Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
