I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
