Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
