He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Can I color on your dick again?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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