i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
