I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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