Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
