YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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