the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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