u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
