69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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