I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
