sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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