Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
