I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
