hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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