i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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