Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
