She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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