he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
