And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
