My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That was an excessively violent trivia night
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
