I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just want nice things and good sex
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
