yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
