who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
