i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You are a booty call, not a friend.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
