I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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