We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Randomize
