Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He has the fingertips of a God
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
