She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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