I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
