would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
