ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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