Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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