What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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