A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize