Define "chronic" masturbator.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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