I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
