just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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