Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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