I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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