His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
