It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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