your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dignity is for republicans.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
