And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
