If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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