There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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