My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize