Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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