The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
