you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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