OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize