dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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