i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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