I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize