This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
