Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
