She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
