He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
