allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize