I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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