I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
