sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
