As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
A bitchslap is in order.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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