My first STD was from a foam party
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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