I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
wow bdsm is so cute
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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