those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
