Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
