i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I intend to get homeless drunk
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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